I have always been squeamish about tackling this topic. It is one of my passions. I love talking about religion and religious beliefs. I am fascinated by the different approaches and the remarkable similarities that they share. If we shaved off all the other rules, everyone is really on the same page. But these little technicalities or little cultural spins divides us and there have been high costs as result. Massacres, displacement, and persecution. I was raised as a Catholic whose parents are devout. I also was born with an analytic mind that has a love for science. I also have travelled, met, and became friends with people of different faiths. I refuse to believe that anyone is condemned eternally simply because they are not wearing the right shirt or were not born in the right faith. It seems ridiculous. I can never be an atheist though. To say that everything is how we see it in front of us still isn't viable for me. There is a magic that exists in life that science can not measure. So I guess I am a hybrid? Agnostic? The labels are overwhelming. I get the feeling that us humans are more caught up with these labels and rules than God is. How else do we bring order or meaning into our small little world?
One of my biggest beefs with religion is the "My God is better than Your God" attitude. I love the fact that people have found their spiritual communities. I think this is very important. I love the sense of love and harmony that result of these gatherings. However, I do not like how the "other" is treated or viewed. There is this need to be "right" and disregard the other. There are so many different living species that live on the earth and no snowflake is the same. So why aim for sameness? Why not celebrate these differences? Why not be okay with it? One answer could be is that we are "too high on ourselves". We are egoistic. We are too busy upholding what we believe is right that we often lose sight of the whole point of having spiritual communities. I attended a non-denominational church and was attending their orientation session. They showed us a map of all the nations that were not Christian. So I asked the pastor, "Is it not enough that they believe in God?" The pastor answered that it was our duty as Christians to convert. Which I can see that from the early church where the disciples were spreading the "Good news of Christ" throughout Europe and the Mediterranean. My problem with this is that right away this church is saying it is their job to conquer the other religions because their religions are wrong. We must "assimilate". Sounds like the Borg, if you ask me. "You must assimilate. Resistance is futile". I have lived in Japan with Buddhists and I have been friends with Muslims. How dare does one religion dictate how the rest of the world should celebrate God? They dismiss the cultural beauty that is often intermingled with their religion. I think God purposely did not make all flowers red or blue. There is beauty in differences. Some we all may not agree with. I know! I think because of that experience, I have been turned off from ever enlisting with a church. I just haven't found a fit yet. There has been some close calls like Agape International. But they are in LA and too far away.
As far as atheism is concerned, I completely get why people become atheists. They are either turned off by the hard rules of certain faiths or they base their belief systems on empirical data and turn to science which has explained many phenomena that we use to attribute to the cosmos. I have many friends who are Atheists. The beauty is that we respect each other's views and we can talk about it without getting emotional over it.(I can also speak the same for my religious friends who respect where I am at). I had a grade 11 student who declared that he was an atheist. We talked about it and I explained to him where I was on the spectrum, but that I wouldn't condemn him for being one. I said it was perfectly okay. Ironically, he was on a mission to convert others to atheism. I told him blatantly that faith cannot be disapproved empirically. It is a state of being. People put a lot of themselves into faith. No amount of data or case studies will move a person with a strong belief system unless they make that assertion themselves. Again, nothing to do with who is right or wrong. It is what it is. The reason why I am not an atheist is because spirituality is not something I cannot turn off.
Spirituality is a part of who I am. I felt just as comfortable in a Buddhist temple as I do camping in a remote natural site. It is what brings me peace. Why should I deny this because it is not popular?
I bet I am not the only hybrid out there.
Helga
P.S. I found this blog where a man resolved his asthma with the paleo diet. His symptoms are exactly what I am experiencing. I have been prescribed a steriod to clear my lungs and it is working, but I do not want to dependent on it nor do I want to go through the side effects. Have a read!
JD Moyer: How I Cured My Asthma
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Breathe
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| Meet my Inhaler |
I haven't been able to sleep these past two nights. Finally, my older sister gave me a kick in the butt and told me to go the walk in clinic to at least get a puffer. She said, I could stop breathing in the night. So I begrudgingly took her advice and went. I dislike hospitals and I dislike the sterile setting of a medical clinic. I associated it with death, deterioration, and illness. As a little girl, my parents would take us to hospital to see dying relatives. Hence that deep association still rests with me. Both of my parents took countless amount of drugs for blood pressure, cholesterol, and for bone. It was just ridiculous to me. I swore that I would not move in that direction. When I am 80 years, I want to ride a motorbike. I want to do it drug free.
So in the next span of 40 years, I am going to learn how to breathe. No puffers. Just me and my powerful reason to live my life.
Helga
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Selfless Love: When Sacrifice can be Bloody
If you had met me ten years ago, I would have told you that what I placed above everything was to have that perfect soul mate. My personal Jesus who would save me from everything only because I would be loved unconditionally. It took me a few years to discover that you never ever measure your worth according to the action of others. You have to be your own saviour. There is a lot of literature that gear towards: "Love thy self so that you can love and have others return that love to you". But this is not what my post is going to be about. Love does not stop at romantic connections , nor it shouldn't. I want to talk about the invisible lines that we have drawn in relationships with others. I was brought up to believe the pinnacle of love is selfless love. I found through my own role model and through my own practice of this idea, there were damaging effects on our self esteem. So where are the limits? Or are there any?
My father passed away seven months ago with lung failure. He was my model for selfless love. He put himself aside for his parents, siblings, and for us. But it cost him. People took advantage of his kindness to the degree that they would cross lines and he would not defend himself. He carried that with him. I would hear him talking to himself and I think he was reliving those events in his head to somehow correct those situations. His father never acknowledged him and told him that he did "crap" for the family when meanwhile, my grandfather quit his job because my father would send all his money that he scrounged up in Canada, which was very little, to support him back in Portugal. His selfless love for his parents and siblings was destructive. His example shows that one has to have healthy self love in order to maintain healthy balanced relationships. My father lucked out with his daughters who never troubled him and showed him how much he was worth. I do not know if that taught him about his worth, but he left this world knowing that his presence was meaningful in our lives.
When I was four years old, I got a Christmas gift of barbie clothes for my doll. I took it to kindergarten and another girl asked if she could borrow them for her doll. So I exchanged it with her because I wanted to be selfless and nice. I got into trouble by mother over it. I asked for the clothes back and she never gave it back to me. I was being selflless in that moment by sharing and as a four year old, I felt cheated. For years, I asked for them back in grade school and she told me that she gave them to her niece. I felt cheated and berated "myself" for being so trusting. I was the worthless one in that exchange. I did it because I was taught that you were suppose to take the clothes off your back to give to someone else. I had every right to say no and be selfish. I also had every right to demand them back, but I didn't. I didn't because I felt that I deserved to be cheated out of my gift because of my poor four year old judgement. Perhaps this is not a good example of selflessness in relationships, but it is clear to me that when you become a doormat, people will take full advantage of you because of your own desire for them to love you back. Just like certain animals can smell fear, people can smell low self esteem. And that alone stems from the "lack of self love".
Here are the demarcation points that I have discovered. Selfless does not mean being less of self, but to step out of one's self to help the other. It may be not be true to your experiences, but has been with mine. You are worth defending yourself. You must set boundaries with people. Stand your ground, but be respectful to others in your relationships. You must respect yourself FIRST (not in an egotistically way, but in a loving accepting way) before others return that respect. Now here is the spin. Empathy is important. "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes." But the shoes are not yours and they are not about you. Empathy is a good tool, but it is not meant for blood self sacrifice. It is a tool that brings peace to people by creating harmony and understanding of the other. The whole idea of selflessness is to understand the "other" and to exercise compassion for the other. In that vein, you step out of yourself for a moment to be that higher love. Higher love does not mean destroying your own healthy self esteem. It is a balance and yes, sometimes, lines have to be drawn. Sometimes, we have to say "no" to our loved ones for the sake of that delicate balance.
In Self-full Love,
Helga
My father passed away seven months ago with lung failure. He was my model for selfless love. He put himself aside for his parents, siblings, and for us. But it cost him. People took advantage of his kindness to the degree that they would cross lines and he would not defend himself. He carried that with him. I would hear him talking to himself and I think he was reliving those events in his head to somehow correct those situations. His father never acknowledged him and told him that he did "crap" for the family when meanwhile, my grandfather quit his job because my father would send all his money that he scrounged up in Canada, which was very little, to support him back in Portugal. His selfless love for his parents and siblings was destructive. His example shows that one has to have healthy self love in order to maintain healthy balanced relationships. My father lucked out with his daughters who never troubled him and showed him how much he was worth. I do not know if that taught him about his worth, but he left this world knowing that his presence was meaningful in our lives.
When I was four years old, I got a Christmas gift of barbie clothes for my doll. I took it to kindergarten and another girl asked if she could borrow them for her doll. So I exchanged it with her because I wanted to be selfless and nice. I got into trouble by mother over it. I asked for the clothes back and she never gave it back to me. I was being selflless in that moment by sharing and as a four year old, I felt cheated. For years, I asked for them back in grade school and she told me that she gave them to her niece. I felt cheated and berated "myself" for being so trusting. I was the worthless one in that exchange. I did it because I was taught that you were suppose to take the clothes off your back to give to someone else. I had every right to say no and be selfish. I also had every right to demand them back, but I didn't. I didn't because I felt that I deserved to be cheated out of my gift because of my poor four year old judgement. Perhaps this is not a good example of selflessness in relationships, but it is clear to me that when you become a doormat, people will take full advantage of you because of your own desire for them to love you back. Just like certain animals can smell fear, people can smell low self esteem. And that alone stems from the "lack of self love".
Here are the demarcation points that I have discovered. Selfless does not mean being less of self, but to step out of one's self to help the other. It may be not be true to your experiences, but has been with mine. You are worth defending yourself. You must set boundaries with people. Stand your ground, but be respectful to others in your relationships. You must respect yourself FIRST (not in an egotistically way, but in a loving accepting way) before others return that respect. Now here is the spin. Empathy is important. "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes." But the shoes are not yours and they are not about you. Empathy is a good tool, but it is not meant for blood self sacrifice. It is a tool that brings peace to people by creating harmony and understanding of the other. The whole idea of selflessness is to understand the "other" and to exercise compassion for the other. In that vein, you step out of yourself for a moment to be that higher love. Higher love does not mean destroying your own healthy self esteem. It is a balance and yes, sometimes, lines have to be drawn. Sometimes, we have to say "no" to our loved ones for the sake of that delicate balance.
In Self-full Love,
Helga
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Food Bytes!
As I have mentioned many times before in my past blogs, I have battled with my weight for most of my life. I have never been "thin" by societal standards. I have gained weight in periods of stress or some challenge that I subconsciously did not want to deal with. Food has been my saviour since I was a baby. Especially the sweet stuff! When I was toddler, I was always rewarded with sweets from my parents' friends and neighbours. When I was about four years old, I ate a whole bottle of children's aspirin because I thought it was candy. The doctor said I would be fine because I was a strong girl. Maybe he meant that I was fat girl and that my weight in that instance had saved me. Anyway, so on a physiological level, there is a positive association with food that goes beyond survival needs.
I have also been on a lot of diets for many years. So my body has gone through the calorie deficits, the overexercising, the vomiting, and the binging for nearly three decades. I wasn't conscious about the need to diet probably until I was in my teens. I was once told by an ex that I must be eating cakes all day because he thought I should be weighing less with all my exercising. As much as those words were hurtful, he had a point. I was overexercising, but the body did not transform. The paleo folks would say the reason why I gain weight is because I have too much carbs or processed sugars still in my diet. Other health enthusiasts would say is because I eat too much. The gluten free people would say it is gluten. The whole foods people would say it is too much processed food. I am actually very careful with my diet. For many years, I ate low fat mostly and lots of vegetables. I never overdone too much except the occasional binge.
I am reading now Gary Taubes' book "Why do we get fat?". He has made some interesting points that there is growing obesity amongst poorer populations which may tie back to low food quality. I noticed this when I assisted at an art show at our school. I looked in to the audience and I was astounded by how many overweight people there were. I also know that this population is a low income population and work their butts off to earn that money. Most of them are not white collar workers and do physical labour and work long hours. So ideally they should be skinny people. The work conditions have not changed, but the access to better nutrition has become more out of reach since good food is far more expensive. That part, I fully understand and I am amazed by seeing this connection. However, I do not work in the same conditions as these folks and I live fairly comfortably. I stay away from fast food and mostly processed foods. So why am I not a size 2?
My only schtick that I have with all the nutrition enthusiasts is that I represent the population that does not use food as fuel. All our basic needs are met. Food is actually something else. I have discovered that unless I do not snap the root of my food addiction relationship, no diet of any form will matter. I will overeat eventually. I will also pick sugary foods eventually. It happens when I am not even aware of it. I am hard wired for it. It happens when I am stressed, overwhelmed with work, bored, lonely,angry and sad. It is a saviour in times of uneasiness and discomfort. It goes back to infancy! What I am trying to say is that having a clean diet is not the issue for me nor is exercise. There is a much more underlying layer that I don't think has been publicly addressed well.
Solution? I think it is finding a way to get to the root of this problem. One solution presented to me was replace it with something else. At one point, I considered smoking since it would satisfy the addiction at some level. But again, not good for my body. I don't know yet, but when I will find it, I will let you know. I am just going to be happy with my body. Eat when I am hungry and never ever deprive myself again for the sake of fitting in!
Until next time,
Helga
I have also been on a lot of diets for many years. So my body has gone through the calorie deficits, the overexercising, the vomiting, and the binging for nearly three decades. I wasn't conscious about the need to diet probably until I was in my teens. I was once told by an ex that I must be eating cakes all day because he thought I should be weighing less with all my exercising. As much as those words were hurtful, he had a point. I was overexercising, but the body did not transform. The paleo folks would say the reason why I gain weight is because I have too much carbs or processed sugars still in my diet. Other health enthusiasts would say is because I eat too much. The gluten free people would say it is gluten. The whole foods people would say it is too much processed food. I am actually very careful with my diet. For many years, I ate low fat mostly and lots of vegetables. I never overdone too much except the occasional binge.
I am reading now Gary Taubes' book "Why do we get fat?". He has made some interesting points that there is growing obesity amongst poorer populations which may tie back to low food quality. I noticed this when I assisted at an art show at our school. I looked in to the audience and I was astounded by how many overweight people there were. I also know that this population is a low income population and work their butts off to earn that money. Most of them are not white collar workers and do physical labour and work long hours. So ideally they should be skinny people. The work conditions have not changed, but the access to better nutrition has become more out of reach since good food is far more expensive. That part, I fully understand and I am amazed by seeing this connection. However, I do not work in the same conditions as these folks and I live fairly comfortably. I stay away from fast food and mostly processed foods. So why am I not a size 2?
My only schtick that I have with all the nutrition enthusiasts is that I represent the population that does not use food as fuel. All our basic needs are met. Food is actually something else. I have discovered that unless I do not snap the root of my food addiction relationship, no diet of any form will matter. I will overeat eventually. I will also pick sugary foods eventually. It happens when I am not even aware of it. I am hard wired for it. It happens when I am stressed, overwhelmed with work, bored, lonely,angry and sad. It is a saviour in times of uneasiness and discomfort. It goes back to infancy! What I am trying to say is that having a clean diet is not the issue for me nor is exercise. There is a much more underlying layer that I don't think has been publicly addressed well.
Solution? I think it is finding a way to get to the root of this problem. One solution presented to me was replace it with something else. At one point, I considered smoking since it would satisfy the addiction at some level. But again, not good for my body. I don't know yet, but when I will find it, I will let you know. I am just going to be happy with my body. Eat when I am hungry and never ever deprive myself again for the sake of fitting in!
Until next time,
Helga
Monday, June 11, 2012
Newton's Third Law: With every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
A funny thing happened since my last post. I had someone with a particular label follow me on twitter (see my last post). The same thing happened to me before when I tweeted about MLMs and my beef about them. My guesstimate is that I was being followed because I may pose as a challenge and will be an excellent convert or they are waiting to see what slander I may splash on the walls. But, hey at least I am getting some response.
The only thing that may irk me about it is that to me it "says" censorship. Just because I do not share someone's views and may oppose them, does not mean that I do not have the same and equal right to express myself. Can we agree to disagree???
Nope.
That's okay. Thanks for reading anyways and let's move on!
The only thing that may irk me about it is that to me it "says" censorship. Just because I do not share someone's views and may oppose them, does not mean that I do not have the same and equal right to express myself. Can we agree to disagree???
Nope.
That's okay. Thanks for reading anyways and let's move on!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Self Help and Motivational Seminars: Who are they motivating?
I would be a huge hypocrite if I told you that I never attended personal growth seminars, never read a multitude of self help books, and never spent thousands of dollars trying to fix myself. We are an era of "self aware", but at the same token, it sometimes feels like "the big me". What's wrong with me? What are my issues? How I have been conditioned? What are my hopes and dreams? What about me? Why have I been so unhappy with me life? Me or I, me or I, me or I? I am at a space where I keep hearing about people talking about what's wrong with themselves and that the people in their lives should take the same courses and read the same material. It feels like an old record that keeps playing unskipped. Why don't we just change the record?
I want to tell everyone that there is nothing wrong with them. To leave the people in their lives "be" and not try to preach their new found religion of self. Our world seems pretty upside down, but are we really willing to risk our comfy lives and lay them on the line to attack these global and social problems? The honest answer is no. So what makes "self petting" a solution to making the world a better place? I am sorry, I don't buy it. Not one last dollar of it!
I want to tell everyone that there is nothing wrong with them. To leave the people in their lives "be" and not try to preach their new found religion of self. Our world seems pretty upside down, but are we really willing to risk our comfy lives and lay them on the line to attack these global and social problems? The honest answer is no. So what makes "self petting" a solution to making the world a better place? I am sorry, I don't buy it. Not one last dollar of it!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Voca loca?
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| Thinker Writer Pose |
I get bombarded with noise about self help. I get rained down on noise about making more money and becoming more successful in all facets of my life. I hear noise about people who really see what the problem is about our society and have the answers. I am bamboozled by stories and mountain of stories about the upcoming end of time. Environmental problems created by HUMANS. Social problems created by HUMANS. Aliens watching us in interest? Are we really that interesting? Wow, what an egoistic bunch we are.
And the list goes on and on.
I do not present solutions here. I do not have all the answers. I just want to show you what I see and hear what I experience. Then you can decide if I am spouting out crap or if what I express may some weight. Maybe it may inspire you to create your own new ideas and views. And maybe put them into action for the common good?
Voca loca to me means crazy voice. If you are in linguistics, it may mean something completely different like crazy vocation. But it is all sematics. It is a catchy phrase and I like it!
Welcome to my first post on this blog.
Let's see what my thought bugs can create
Yours in blogness,
Helga
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